I had a *cough* discussion with my friend the other day about female stereotypes, and darn it, it’s had me thinking ever since.
My friend challenged one of my lesser known but deeply held stereotypical beliefs about females and the cinema: females do not go to the cinema alone, it just isn’t done. My friend challenged this by dropping zir jaw and saying, and I quote “I can’t believe you just said that! You of all people. I never thought I’d hear such a stereotype spouted by you.”
To which I eloquently replied, “Huh?”
Yeah, I totally won that battle.
But it got me thinking about stereotypes and how they influence who we are.
I had happily lived with the belief that women actually do not go to the cinema alone. This had been re-enforced by the fact that every woman I had ever known did not go to the cinema by herself. So when this belief was challenged by my friend, I think my brain actually shut off in self-defense, and I turned into some sort of instant replay machine, spouting verboten my Mother’s reasoning for not allowing her thirteen-year-old daughter to venture to the cinema alone.
And after hearing my Mother’s reasoning for not allowing me to the cinema I never thought any more of it. I presumed it was one of those social conventions; like don’t wear your underwear outside of your clothing, (unless you happen to actually be a superhero, in which case you’re okay) or don’t eat yellow snow. I placed it on the “duh, isn’t it obvious you don’t do that” scale of things in my mind.
Looking back now I can see that my Mother was just trying to keep me safe. Yes, a thirteen-year-old girl shouldn’t really go to the cinema by herself nowadays. It isn’t safe. A grown woman on the other hand…well, maybe it’s okay for her to go alone. She still may not want to go alone, (I certainly don’t, the idea of walking all alone into a cinema makes me shudder inside); but the reason for me not wanting to do that is not ‘women don’t do it’, it is ‘I don’t want to break an internal stereotype (that I know is wrong but is convenient for me to still believe in because it means I don’t have to face a socially awkward situation alone!’ (If that sounded slightly hysterical in your head, good; it does in mine too.)) But she has a choice. She can choose to go with friends or by herself, she has the power to make that decision, the social convention does not have the power over her.
The idea of breaking a perceived social convention like that scares me half to death. Other social conventions, I don’t give a damn about. If you told me that ‘women are not allowed to kiss other women’ or ‘women are not allowed to play football (soccer for all you Americans out there)’ or even ‘women cannot participate in politics’ I would actually laugh at you. These are all social conventions for a vast majority of the world’s population. However, crucially, they are not my social conventions. They are not my stereotypes.
I don’t believe that I have many stereotypes. I consider myself to be so open-minded that there may actually be a revolving door fitted somewhere inside my head. But I still do possess stereotypes. I am, after all, human. Everyone has them. They allow us to function in whichever society we live in. They have come about for a reason, whether that reason is right or wrong, stereotypes will always be there. They act to guide us through identifying social norms and allowing us to ‘fit in’ with the crowd. They are a great comfort to a lot of people.
They do, however, have a downside. For those who do not conform to social norms, they can make life a misery. When people are confronted by someone or something acting/saying/believing/being out of the ‘ordinary’ they do what I did at the beginning of this post; their brain shuts off and they revert to the ‘rules’ inside of their heads:
Boys don’t cry, girls wear dresses, men are strong, women love babies, I must be brave, you can’t do that, no one will hurt me, different is wrong.
These rules can kill.
Social stereotypes are there for a reason, I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge that 100% of the human population possesses at least one stereotype to their name, whether they know it or not, it is there, buried deep. Whether it be that giggly girls are stupid (I giggle, please be careful about how you word your answer *smirk*) or that men should always be brave, it is there, I assure you. The stereotype is there, and it will be gendered, and it will be absolute, and it will be approved of by someone in your life at some point.
But is it automatically wrong because it is a stereotype?
Stereotypes have the potential to cause massive harm and distress; on the flip side they can provide comfort to many. Does the fact that they have the mere potential to cause harm mean that every single stereotype should automatically be challenged every time anyone comes across one? Should we sit down and ask ourselves why we believe what we do with regards to our own stereotypes? Do they make us feel strong when we believe that we aren’t? Do they give us comfort by allowing us to blend into the crowd? Do they mean that we don’t have to confront our own fears?
I suppose a stereotype is rather like a tint that you voluntarily, but unconsciously place upon your glasses. It colours how you perceive the world, and if it is not challenged, you will never know it is there.
However, if it is challenged then you become aware that the world does have other colours, and that you can see them if you so choose. But, when it comes right down to it, the choice of taking off that tint is always down to the individual. You can, like me, choose to acknowledge that you wear certain tints because it’s easier to see the world like that, rather than face a new, scary reality. And that is okay. It’s a personal choice, that has been made consciously. Not every fear has to be faced.
But for those of you who are brave enough to remove the tints all together, there can be a world of possibilities out there. You can strip away the layers over your glasses one by one. Who knows, you may even find ‘reality’, if it exists, clean and unbiased, stripped of all social conventions and norms.
For the rest of the world, I think the best we can do is acknowledge that our world is coloured, that we are individuals, and that we have quirks, stereotypes and prejudices. That when we are faced with someone elses idea of reality, it may be scary, it may be amusing, it may even be very, very confusing, but that it is not automatically wrong.
No one should be forced to believe anything (I think everyone can agree that BAD THINGS happen when one person tries to force a world view upon people who do not want it — look at every war… ever, for further details). But neither should people be allowed to live in ignorance of the existence of options.
Choice is the key word here, I think. People should be allowed to choose what they want to believe and what they don’t. People should be educated in the possibilities of life, and the existence of ideas outside of ‘the norm’. People should be allowed to choose how they want to tint their glasses, if indeed they want to at all. And that choice should be a conscious one.
