What Polyamory is NOT.

‘If you walk up to a randomly selected individual and propose that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you, you will probably hear a lot of spluttering, argument, and “yahbuts” – STDs, unwanted pregnancies, rape, the commodification of sexual desire, and so on.  None of which changes the core idea.’ – Easton and Hardy (2009)

Polyamory has been confused with many sexual practices since the word was introduced to the English language in 1992 (Veaux, 2009), and so for the purposes of this literature review this author intends to define some of these sexual practices that polyamory is often mistaken for.  This author also acknowledges that whilst actively practicing polyamory many individuals can also participate in some of the activities that will be described below.

Swinging.

Swinging is most commonly mistaken for polyamory, and indeed there is an overlap between the two practices (Benson, 2008.  Easton and Hardy, 2009).  It is a broad term that often gets used to describe a variety of sexual practices (Easton and Hardy, 2009). Fernandes (2008) describes it as being ‘a behavior that involves consensual extra-marital sexual relationships’ and in this way it can be likened to polyamory. Taormino (2008) too describes it as a practice ‘where people [have] sex with one another’ [in the context of couples engaging in sexual activities with other individuals or couples] whilst (most commonly) being in an already established relationship and/or marriage.  She goes on to say that the practice is mainly dominated by heterosexual males and females, and female bisexual sexual interaction; this is corroborated by Fernandes (2008) and Benson (2008).   Easton and Hardy (2009) describe it as a sexual practice that ranges from ‘long term two-couple sexual parings through [to] the wildest of Saturday-night-puppy-pile orgies’.

So what is the difference between swinging and polyamory?  Polyamory and swinging differ in a fundamental way; broadly a swinger, whether single or partnered enjoys sex for its own sake and places a lesser emphasis upon forming a lasting emotional bond with another person outside of an already established relationship (What is Swinging? (anon[1], 2004)) than a polyamorous individual might. (Benson, 2008).  Both swinging and polyamory acknowledge that ‘committed partners can enjoy multiple sexual involvements’ and can span ‘the entire adult age range’ (Benson, 2008).  However, where swinging differs from polyamory is in its emphasis upon recreational sex (Benson, 2008. Taormino, 2008, Fernandes, 2008)

Polygamy, polygyny and polyandry.

These terms are often confused (Benson, 2008).

  • Polygamy is the practice of having more than one legally registered wife or husband at a time (Soanes and Stevenson, eds., 2005).
  • Polygyny is the practice of a man having more than one legally registered wife (Soanes and Stevenson, eds., 2005).
  • Polyandry is the practice of a woman having more than one legally registered husband (Soanes and Stevenson, eds., 2005).

Relationship Anarchy.

Relationship Anarchy or RA is:

‘[A] non-monogamous philosophy originating in Sweden with many ideas in common with polyamory. However, a relationship anarchist does not make a special distinction between friends, lovers and other forms of relationship. RA also draws from many aspects of third wave, queer and sex positive feminism.’ – Polyamory Glossary, anon[2], (2009)

Free Love.

A term used to describe someone who lives without commitment or restrictions such as marriage and also participates in unrestricted sexual relations (Polyamory Glossary, anon[3], 2009)).

Open Relationship.

‘A relationship, normally a dyad [a two person relationship], which permits multiple sexual partners, but usually without the emotional commitment found in polyamorous relationships.’ (Polyamory Glossary, (anon[4], 2009)).

Next Chapter

[1] What is Swinging: www.about-swinging.co.uk

[2] Polyamory Glossary: Polyamory.org.uk

[3] Polyamory Glossary: Polyamory.org.uk

[4] Polyamory Glossary: Polyamory.org.uk